I should have known…..

Oh yes, that’s right I should have known. I should have known that yesterday I had a fabulous run therefore today would suck monkey balls. It was hands down the worst run of my very short running career. I should have known that when I went to Yoga last night in an attempt to “gain more flexibility“, and had an awesome time. I should have known when I tripped (yes tripped!) over the enormous pile of give-way clothes next to my dresser and scraped and rather badly bruised my left ankle. (What the hell is up with that ankle? I think I may have to get an old gypsy woman to do a cleansing on it.) I knew that it was a good trip too, because Mike said nothing as I let out the longest string of made up curse words ever. Seriously, it would have made a veteran bar maid blush. I should have known it when I climbed in bed at a decent hour and read and then fell asleep to my favorite book. I should have known…….. I hate runs like today!

It’s always funny to me, when girlfriends ask me why I run, I say because I love it and hate it. Hate it? Yes, hate it! For the first 1 to 1 1/2 miles I want to die. I hate my feet, my shoes, my clothes, and especially I hate Little Debbie. (That smarmy little whore. Why do you bake so well?) But after that first bit, I love it. I love that my legs can carry me a mile further than they could yesterday. I am grateful that I have the ability to move and use my body when so many people do not. I love that most days when I’m done, I feel like I can and will do anything. All of that makes it so much better when I have days like today. Bah! 4 mile tempo run. What ever! How ’bout 3 miles at an 11 minute pace and then you could keel over and die. 4th mile? I do not recall a 4th mile. I cannot confirm nor deny that I 4th mile ever in fact existed at all.

I suppose this would fall under the Yin and Yang of running. You can’t have the good days without the bad. Alas, today I will hate running and nurse my woes with a cup of coffee and tomorrow will be better.

Tango with the iPod

I have a love hate relationship with my shuffle. I love it because it provides me with hours upon hours of music that makes me feel inspired to run, even when I don’t want to. I mean really who doesn’t feel inspired when they listen to Missy Elliot singing Get yer freak on? Hmmmm? Aside from the frequent moments of paranoia when I worry that the little old lady next to me will hear all of my unedited songs and keel over from heart failure. Think I’m kidding? I run scenerios in my head. For instance, I can just picture it, granny with the grey hair turns to me and sweetly asks in a creaky voice “Dear, did that lady just say buck or………..”I would trip, fall, go flying and forever be kicked out of the YMCA. I digress….it has proven to be an excellent training tool. It has proven to be excellent except for the damn ear buds!

Mike swears up and down that I must be doing something wrong. For Pete’s sake anyone can use ear buds. But no no, I disagree, not everyone can sir! I’ll give you a hypothetical. Let us just say that a girl hauls herself out of bed at 4:30AM to meet her friend at the gym to run. And let us just say that this said “girl” is having an awesome run for it being 5 in the morning. An all time 9 minute 3 mile run. The only thing that is distracting said girl from 3 mile run is that the damn ear buds keep falling out! And if she isn’t adjusting the ear bud, her hand hits the cord on the arm drive and knocks the cord causing her to have to readjust the ear bud yet again! Or worse, I (oops I mean said girl) hits the cord, rips out the ear buds and somehow manages to dislodge the iPod from the holder and it goes flying out of the cup holder and dear God no! Oh yes, onto the treadmill where I am running. Seriously, I looked like a giraffe having a seizure trying to not fall and grab everything at the same time. I thought my friend Leah was going to stroke out from laughing so hard. I would like to point out that I did indeed not fall and I did manage to keep pace.

So the moral of the story is. If the ear buds do not fit get a different pair of headphones. And for those of you with average sized ear canals, have a little sensitivity when talking to those of us with minuscule ones.

6 miles and Then Death

So my aspirations of being this awesome runner were slightly pilfered today as I made my way down to Runner’s etc. in Norfolk. (A very nice store by the way.) I thought today would be a good day to go and get my new shoes because I ran 6 continuous miles this morning (woo hoo!) and so I was feeling slightly confident about myself. You know, until I actually get to Norfolk and the first thing that I see is “awesome runner lady” with 0% body fat hoofing it down the road. But alas, I drove 40 minutes and bought my husband and child’s support with a bean burrito so we were going into that store damn it!

So, the first thing the super in shape (and yes gorgeous) salesman wants me to do is take off my shoes and roll my jeans up to mid calf. (Oh dear God, panic! Did I shave my legs today? Hell did I shave them in the last week? Then a sigh of relief yes, I did.) The second thing that greets me is my half chipped polished toenails and a very scary looking corn that is waving “hello” to me when I take off my sock. Okay really, it can’t get much worse can it? I mean really my mom is in my head shouting that everyday should be a clean sock and fresh toenail polish day, I have been humbled and reminded mom thanks. No…. nope the humiliation is not over in the least!

Next, Mr. Salesman wants me to slowly jog to the end of the store and back to see if I have any foot pronations. Um….me thinks this is a bad choice. Let’s get real, I have monster boobs and they are in a cutesy bra, not the kind that you much less jog in. (What am I talking about 1? make that the 3 bras that I run in.) So I lightly “jog” (did I mention I ran six miles today and I am barely able to hide the slight limp that I have from over tight muscles?) to the end of the store only to find out that he wants me to get on the treadmill and run because I may have a slight problem and he can tape my feet on the treadmill. Better diagnostics and all/ Where in the name of Haites is the big black hole that will swallow me up when I really need it? Mike by the way is dying laughing because he knows exactly what is going on in my head. So I run (read that: stomp like an elephant in heat) , I flop. Eventually I find a pair of Asics Gels that I absolutely love. I buy the shoes and a lovely fuel belt. (A size medium, major accomplishment. Six months ago it would have been a large or XL.)

Overall, it was educational and fun. Well fun in the sense that I can laugh about it now and that the salesman pretended not to notice my agony or excess boobage.

Beginnings

Yesterday I turned 28. Closer to 30 than to 20. Part of me is okay with this and part of me is kicking and screaming about how vastly pissed off I am. Pissed off that I am not the hot mom that I so wanted to be and that I let Ho Ho’s (and Little Debbie, and Hostess, and Reese’s…..) be my best friend for 8 odd years of dealing with the stress of being a military wife and mother of two. Quite frankly, it made me fat and an unhealthy blob of goo that fears putting on a swim suit as much as going for a yearly gyno exam. When you would happily choose a speculum over a suit, it’s time to make a change. And so change is what I did.

9 months ago I was at an all time low of 161 lbs. and at 5 feet 1 that officially threw me into the obese category. My inspiration to change happened when I met with several girlfriends at a beach getaway in NC. All were mothers and all managed to be healthy and maintain their fitness level. Hey, if they could do that, then I could too. My all time running goddess Lisa, hooked me on running. I ran (or tried too) and slowly started dropping weight.

At present, I am down to 144lbs. and running a comfortable 10 minute mile. My goal is to run a half marathon in the fall and shh! don’t tell anyone but also run the Marine Corp marathon two months after that. I love running and I am such a wannabe. I’ve set my goals high and darn it, I am going to do it, even if it kills me.